1. |
Caracal anthem
03:22
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my cat is pouncing on my chest, telling me to wake up
for its a new day again and
i attempt to organise my thoughts
in the midst of all my silly chords but
all my words dont make any sense
thats why i write them in my private server
all the things i said, it wasnt nothing to worry about
i dont really care about them
well, you see
the autumn is gonna come any day now and
ive gotta try my best
figuring out who the hell i am
ive got to be brave
like a caracal hunting down its prey
nothing in my life has
prepared me for whats to come
but i gotta save for tomorrow
you wont mean it but i see it and
for the last time, i dont even know what im talking about
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2. |
Let me (monologue?)
03:39
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swaying minds, side to side
that's how it is when two worlds collide
and a stream of anxious cries
echo themselves into the void
optimistically, i enter the chat
overwhelming, voices stacked on top of each other
bewilderment, fills me up and i
don't know, what to say ex-
cept, that's not me, that's my mind and im sorry
so let me breathe
so let me become sort of a new person now
so let me weep
so let me become my own person now
night falls down, i cannot feel it
i can't see it, no, im alone
faces surround me, their eyes
fill my periphery, help me
and in this state
it grips me so tightly
makes me write a
monologue, inside my mind
which doesn't help anyone
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3. |
Fauna boy
02:45
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i will send, here, another picture of two fauna boys
how i crave to cuddle like this somehow, so fruitily
so faggily, so carefree
great minds think alike, right,
elliot would agree with me
and nothing feels real anymore
i just stay here in my home
the warmth is gone, i sleep till four
and my apathy grows ever more
if nothing feels real anymore
at least i can hear gingerhead, his meows, his paw steps
on the creaking planks of the sleeping hallway
he steps towards my door, while i don't know anymore
who i am
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4. |
||||
running in circles, you make such a big scene out of your instincts
ears turning outward to become the wings
of the jet engine of your little mind
rummaging through the garbage bin, lit by moonlight
two beacons of amber portals is all that i see
it was march 2010
as the day started to set in
your head peeked out from the front door
and you fell into my arms for the first time
how are you, my little cat faced friend?
i know you are fine, judging by your walk
how are you, you ask me with your little cries
well im fine, im just not sure about the future
how are you, my little cat faced friend?
how are you, you ask me with your little cries
you and me have something to share
and, here you are, storming into my room, with your little feet
but, you know that im leaving home for the last time
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5. |
Homestayer
03:25
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he sleeps in, waiting for the days to pass
and he dreads all the talking he has to do
hes had too many bad experiences
couldnt keep the monologues to himself
black walls of shame shoot out of the ground
and i might call him a homestayer
for its what he is in the aftermath of what hes done
and i might say hes too insecure
about who he is, and you can't deny he's got to learn
trapped inside his hellish little abode
homestayer des crafts a plastic key
too bad it breaks in an instant
under the weight of his own guilt
of trying to get out in the first place
and you might tell him, the homestayer
"you're so much more than your four walls", and you are right
but he doesn't hear you, twists the door knob,
but no use, its locked, screams silently
"why am i anything?"
and then you opened the door from the other side
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6. |
Autumn comfort song
06:46
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you're my life, one you had left behind
won't you say that you've grown since then
would you look back, see how far you've come
all i can hope is that you won't still be me
put me to sleep with the hope that
you feel like something, something to be loved
no longer bound to the whims of my quirks
and the years ive spent being broken will be long behind you
comfort me, till im numb to my own self
till i forget who i am in the present
comfort me, with your non-existent self
even if it'll only hurt me
i will try my best, for i only have myself
and only i can turn myself into you
but nights will still haunt me, as long as im here
but i will still be my own worst enemy
you're my life, one you had left behind
won't you say that you're your own person now
would you look back, see how new you've become
all i can hope is you're okay now
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7. |
Pathetic fingers
04:21
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just so you know, its my pathetic fingers
doing the job, destroying my life
in the DM, they go on and on and on
expecting some sort of response
like mental vices, they go on and on and on
its not all my fault
I just need to be fixed
i just have to wait
ill be in better shape
and i think, is this how im supposed to talk
(messages drag on for miles, endlessly yet so futile)
homestaying for 2 years made me into this mess
(you should go touch grass, but youre so naive)
letters on the screen don't tell me how they feel
(and it's not their fault, it's only my flaw)
and i'll just have to figure myself out
its not all my fault
I just need to be fixed
i just have to endure
my own pathetic fingers
i am just a powerless animal
doing anything it can to feel safe
but my frail body still shivers in fear
at the touch of the cold hands of fate
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8. |
Rumination
03:27
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i went out on a ride, went into a shop
to distract myself from my mind
but it doesn't quite work, they keep coming back
for no reason at all
so get, out of here
for rumination might
make it worse in the end
i cant grasp my reality
so i daydream all the hours away
dream of what could go wrong, in all possible ways
guess which universe i am in
so get, out of here
for rumination might
make it real in the end
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9. |
Comforted
03:40
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and by the time my family is asleep
and gingerhead is on my bed
staring at me with his glassy eyes
i play my silly songs, after the tl is read
i play on 2fort for hours on end
talk to partymarten, listen to icedancer
its just my way of being comforted
its just my way of being comforted
i just want to relax, not writing lyrics
i just want to relax, not writing lyrics
i just want to relax, not writing lyrics
4:30 am all of a sudden, yet again
the night seemed so endless
but it's coming to an end
and i'm comforted,
i'm comforted
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10. |
Feline ballad
02:14
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you little thing, you imbecile
you sure are a treat
sleep all day till the sun goes out
and then you run around like there's no tomorrow
you little pet, you gingerhead
your beacons of amber portals
what do they see, won't you tell me
what your meows mean, i don't know, i don't
the light shines upon you
as you step into the garden, paws in the dirt
the leaves brush against your fur
as you jump at the sight, of another feline
you're a deer in headlights, you run for your life
you little thing, you imbecile
you sure are not so bright
crying to be let in, i open the door
"do this no more" but you'll forget it again
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11. |
Pack your bags!
03:45
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dont you know how hard it is,
to pack your bags, pack your bags
zip them shut, pick them up
dump what didn't fit
spend the next night all awake
for that fateful ride on the airway
arrive from the pink sky
hear that sound
walk along the jet bridge
suitcase rolling along the floor
i take my first step on this island
i gain new life
i show my face to the guard
give them the papers that they want
tell them why i'm here
and they will let me through
dont you know how its funny
that theres a world, outside this home
you've never seen and im going there
we might not meet again
and as much as i love you, friend
youre just a cat, you won't understand
why my rooms getting emptier
knick knacks stuffed into bags
walk along the jet bridge
suitcase rolling along the floor
i take my first step on this island
i gain new life
and as i feel the cold air
i shine like the sun that's greeting me
don't you stop me now,
i'll only shine more from here
dont you know how hard it is,
to pack your bags, pack your bags
zip them shut, pick them up
dump what didn't fit
dont you know how hard it is
to dream all of this, all the time
as the weeks go by, its arriving
for now i can only sing this song
and so, i think to myself
i'll do the best that i can
i will live this day
and tomorrow and tomorrow
and you pounce on my chest
telling me to wake up
for its a new day again
new day again, new day again
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12. |
Autumn parting song
07:17
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oh, silly boy, how i'll miss your little cries and your little face
and the way you curl up in the corner of my unmade bed
it pains me so much that you're unaware
that i'm not here to stay
one day you'll come into my room
there'll be nobody there to see your face
and you cry out my name
only to be met with silence
i'll miss you (i'll miss you)
i'll miss you (i'll miss you)
i'll miss you (i'll miss you)
i'll miss you (i'll miss you)
if you're in disrepair,
see the world despair
don't forget the light inside you
don't forget that love
is eternal, here
love is all around you
love is here to stay
it's so beautiful that
the sun rises for another day
love is here to stay and
all you've got to say is
"i've got to be brave"
i've got to be brave, i've got to be brave
like a caracal at the end of its day,
i've got to be brave
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